


richie's hashtag vanlife

by chrishaggy, orphan_account



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Animal Lover Mike, Arson, Audra Phillips is a thot, Bev is a feminist, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Bird Lover Stan, Bisexual Beverly Marsh, Dead Georgie Denbrough, Discord Chat - Freeform, Dropout Richie Tozier, F/M, Film STudent Ben, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Mike Hanlon, Gay Richie Tozier, Gay Stanley Uris, Heterosexual Ben Hanscom, Heterosexual Bill Denbrough, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nurse Eddie Kaspbrak, Oblivious Richie Tozier, Recreational Drug Use, Richie Tozier Flirts, Richie Tozier has three jobs and a house arrest ankle bracelet, Richie Tozier is a Felon, Writer Bill Denbrough, beverly is instagram famous, established benverly, established stanlon, groupchat, richie hates women
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 04:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20420051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrishaggy/pseuds/chrishaggy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The losers club made it to college (except Richie who was accepted into all the Ivy League schools but is a dumbass)This is just their life in the modern world through pov of a humble discord chat.THIS IS NOT A CRACK FIC ITS JUST SLIGHTLY FERAL





	1. dumbassery maker

**Author's Note:**

> Mike H - Hands on Hanlon - 19  
Bill - William - 18  
Richie - This bitch sad- 19  
Eddie - Spagheddie - 17  
Stan - BirdFucker69 - 18  
Beverly - Antivax Mom - 19  
Ben - Antivax Dad - 18
> 
> Mike:  
Agricultural Education  
Bill:  
Creative Writing  
Bev:  
Women and Gender Studies  
Eddie:  
Nursing (for an RN)  
Ben:  
Film  
Stan:  
Animal Behavior and Ethology  
Richie:  
"I study the blade"

_ 27 October 2019 / 4:20am / _we r on the weed

** **

BirdFucker69: 420 jokes are lame Richie dont try it bitch.

** **

Antivax Mom: 420 blaze it aha

** **

This bitch sad: Silence,, wench.

** **

Spagheddie: can you guys shut the fuck up some of us have exams tomorrow 

** **

This bitch sad: damn Ed's why dont you age up to our level

** **

Spagheddie: Richie, prepare to be euthanized once I see you.

** **

Antivax dad: that's fair i agree.

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 4:23 am / _AntivaxMom|Spagheddie

** **

Antivax Mom: babie why are you awake you have a MEDICINE exam tomorrow 

** **

Spagheddie: richie was talking to me so I stayed up to listen uwu!

** **

Antivax Mom: eddie… :(

** **

Spagheddie: I know he's straight bev but he's still a good friend! we're homiezoned.

** **

Antivax Mom: babie just dont get yourself hurt by his dumbass and NEVER say homiezoned again.

** **

Spagheddie: okay bev gn ily !

** **

Antivax Mom: ily2 do good on ur exam!

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 4:32 / _Antivax Mom|This bitch sad

** **

Antivax Mom: you owe me homo

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 7:23am / _we r on the weed

** **

Hands on Hanlon: goòdmorning fellow class goers

** **

Birdfucker69: callout for richie who's dumbass didnt go to college

** **

This bitch sad: IM AN IVY LEAGUE STUDENT STANLEY

** **

Spagheddie: sure you are, richie tozier smartest of the losers :/

** **

Antivax Mom: richie hows ur maid cafe shift going?

** **

This bitch sad: I'd rather be in Harvard rn Bev

** **

Hands on Hanlon: Shouldn’t have committed arson then dumbassery maker

** **

William: arson?

** **

Birdfucker69: Mike ily But please why do you TALK LIKE THAT

** **

Antivax Dad: okay dudes it's time to go to class and time for richie to learn to love women

** **

Antivax Mom: LMAO YOU SAW THAT POST?? 100k baby I said I'd post a video of richie running me over 💅💅

** **

This bitch sad: Ben's right time to leave :)

** **

Hands on Hanlon: okay richie you tomfooler we get the hint <3<3 uwu

** **

Birdfucker69: Mike I'm breaking up with you.

** **

Spagheddie: ROFL 

** **

This bitch sad: Eds I'm breaking up with you

** **

Spagheddie: we aren't dating bro

** **

Antivax Dad: GO TO CLASS EDDIE

** **

Antivax Mom: this just in I can't stand Eddie Kaspbrak, more on that at 3

** **

This bitch sad: if ur all in class what am i supposed to DO, Sonia K iis unavailable rn

** **

Spagheddie: ur mom jokes stopped being funny when we were 10 richie :/

** **

This bitch sad: <\3

** **

Hands on Hanlon: richie b like real eyes 👀 realize 🧠 real lies 😔

** **

Birdfucker69: I'm gonna choke Mike on SIGHT

** **

William: I'm Going back to sleep

** **

This bitch sad: its not like you do a real course anyway Mr Billiam "creative writing" Denbrough 

** **

William: beep beep richie :(((

** **

Spagheddie: Billiam he's got a point-

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 9:57 am / _ we r on the weed

** **

This bitch sad: bev aren't you off rn

** **

Antivax Mom: yeah what are you planning To do? run me over again?

** **

This bitch sad: anything for you and your 100,068 followers Beverly 😔💕

** **

Hands on Hanlon: Stans got the chickens rn so I got some time are we doing things?

** **

This bitch sad: come 2 my van :^) we’ll do pottery I got my wheel out especially :^) 

** **

**several people are typing…**

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 12:56 / _we r on the weed 

** **

Antivax Mom: just got off for lunch Dr Flynn was a BITCH ab letting us go :///

** **

Antivax Dad: i think I saw Mike and Stan leave

** **

This bitch sad: dont watch em Ben that's kinda wacky

** **

Birdfucker69: Richie do you want us to eat with or without you.

** **

This bitch sad: I'm sorry Ben for any harm I have caused you I would love to eat with you guys 

** **

William: are we eating on or off campus?

** **

This bitch sad: depends what Eds is doing rn

** **

Hands on Hanlon: I think he’s with the med kids for lunch today, I heard his friend Mickey saying it

** **

This bitch sad: I GAGGED at the name Mickey disgusting.

** **

Birdfucker69: leave him alone he’s rly nice richie

** **

Antivax Mom: meet at richies work in 10

** **

William: the cosplay shop or the diner?

** **

This bitch sad: tHe CoSplaY ShoP shit the fick up its a comic shop

** **

Birdfucker69: okay weeb go cry about it

** **

This bitch sad: beep beep Stanley sad face emoji

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 13:15  _

** **

The diner in question was a shitty rundown all American diner on the outskirts of town, just within Richie’s probation range. 'Delilah’s Diner' stood proud under the winter sun, littered with garbage and graffitied penises, it truly was a sight to behold. And behold it they did, as Delilah’s had been the infamous meeting place of the losers club for over 8 years. They had all grown accustomed to the sleazy adults in the alley to the side, the crackheads that littered the pathway outside and even Delilah herself - a larger woman of roughly 50, teen mom, ex-pageant kid with all of that True American Blood coursing through her veins. Also the fact that Richard Tozier had been allowed to legally work there as they saw "no reason for him not to", which made sense because he had only started one fire and it was on the other end of town.

** **

Beverly arrived first, she’d gone on foot and only had to threaten 3 creeps with pepper spray (a new record!) She pushed the only slightly squeaky door open, greeted Delilah and sat in the corner booth they always claimed in just about the same amount of time it took Mike and the rest of the losers (excluding Eddie) to follow in.

** **

"So where is our favourite comedian?" Bill asked as he squeezed in next to Mike and Stan.

"Right here." Stanley pointed at Richie as he walked over, fresh out of uniform.

"He said comedian not clown, Stanley." Beverly responded as she got shoved into the window by Richie sitting down. 

"Oim offended Beaverly honestly." Richie was currently midway through an Australian accent and a British man on MDMA.

** **

Just like that the rundown diner was filled with laughter ranging from small giggles to what sounded like Ben sobbing into his hands- just 6 friends being friends at a table enjoying a small break from their mundane big kid school lives.

** **

They parted ways shortly after. Life's not that happy get used to it. They gotta be adults. What is this? Fiction?

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 15:56 / _we r on the weed 

** **

Spagheddie: hey guys I'm staying late again I'm on cleaning duty

** **

This bitch sad: give Mickey a goodnight kiss from me

** **

Spagheddie: Richie shut the fuck up

** **

Birdfucker69: Mike and I are staying late as we are feeding the birds!!

** **

Antivax Mom: I'm going straight back to my dorm so I dont have to deal with Audra not letting me in like a Thot

** **

Antivax Dad: o sorry richie looks like you're alone tonight :c

** **

William: I'm writing all night sorry gang

** **

This bitch sad: Bill that's a shit excuse we all know you're lying about your major.

** **

Birdfucker69: like your whole Ivy League thing

** **

This bitch sad: I AM AN IVY LEAGUE STUDENT I PROMISE I CAN PROVE IT JUST COME TO MY VAN

** **

Birdfucker69: no thanks I'm in a relationship :/

** **

Antivax Mom: we'll see you tomorrow richie i think i have a free day tomorrow <3

** **

This bitch sad: you dont love me Beverly.

** **

Antivax Mom: ur right

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 18:34 _Spagheddie|This bitch sad 

** **

Spagheddie: richie I know this is really annoying but could you pick me up from the outpatients I've just finished and Mickey cant drive me. I’d feel safer if someone drove me :/

** **

This bitch sad: poor Mickey getting dumped for a FELON :))

** **

Spagheddie: don’t be a dick richie is that a yes or a no?

** **

This bitch sad: yea homeskillet sure

** **

Spagheddie: richie I'm about to choke you

** **

This bitch sad: ((; thats kinky Eds 

** **

Spagheddie: you're insufferable 

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 18:40_ Spagheddie|Antivax Mom

** **

Spagheddie: HE'S INSUFFERABLE IM CRYING

** **

_ 27 October 2017 / 18:50 / _ we r on the weed

** **

William: richie im free now if you still wanna hang out?

** **

This bitch sad: Billiam sir I would but I gotta pick the baby up from school uwu

** **

Birdfucker69: Never say that about Eddie again or it is death on SIGHT Richie.

** **

_ 27 October 2019 / 19:20 / _we r on the weed 

** **

Spagheddie: richie is a terrible driver I hate him I almost died thrice

** **

This bitch sad: go look at nurse school memes and cry about it

** **

Birdfucker69: ^^

** **

Antivax Mom: ^^

** **

Antivax Dad: ^^

** **

Hands on Hanlon: ^^

** **

William: what r we talking about?

** **

This bitch sad: AS USUAL BILL YOUHE RIONED IT IM GONNA TAKE A B A T H AND DROWN MYSELF


	2. Wanna watch friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie make lunch plans.  
Bill gets bullied again  
Sami tries to WRITE soft things without angst for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mike H - Hands on Hanlon - 19  
Bill - William - 18  
Richie - This bitch sad - 19  
Eddie - Spagheddie - 17  
Stan - BirdFucker69 - 18  
Beverly - Antivax Mom - 19  
Ben - Antivax Dad - 18
> 
> Mike:  
Agricultural Education  
Bill:  
Creative Writing  
Bev:  
Women and Gender Studies  
Eddie:  
Nursing (for an RN)  
Ben:  
Film  
Stan:  
Animal Behavior and Ethology  
Richie:  
"I study the blade"

_ 27 October 2019 / 22:23 /  _ we r on the weed

  
  


Antivax Mom: Audra just came home HIGH AGAIN like a THOT

Birdfucker69: she is the definition of an e-thot, HIGH and SAD.

Antivax Mom: don't forget her daddy issues :/

This bitch sad: can't believe I'm Audra kin 

Spagheddie: don't flatter yourself Richie you know you're beneath her

Antivax Mom: Who hurt you Eddie?

William: Eddie r u okay?

This bitch sad: I feel like we are overlooking the fact that Bill is an e-girl. Hoe ass plays overwatch and uses CAT ear headphones

William: SHUT UP RICHIE I'M NOT AN EGIRL I JUST FOLLOW AN ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE

Antivax Mom: You and Audra b like - uwu noises

William: on that note I'm going to sleep I have to WRITE

This bitch sad: uwu night night baby buns

Birdfucker69: richie I'm sorry but WJAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAM?

Hands on Hanlon: can we put Richie down?

Antivax Dad: euthanasia isn't such a bad idea after all.

William: I think we should all go to sleep as it's late and we have school tomorrow 

Spagheddie: for once I agree with Bill

William: thank u

Birdfucker69: gn everyone except Richie who STILL doesn't deserve rights

Antivax Mom: ur right

This bitch sad: ROFL

Antivax Dad: disgusting

Antivax Mom: I am sick of Mr Tozier already and it's not even midnight

Hands on Hanlon: get him out of my sight 👀👀

William: you can't see him?

Hands on Hanlon: he's in the parking lot time ⏲ 2 call 📞 a hit man 🎷🔫

Birdfucker69: whatever mike just said I agree with he needs to be STOPPED

Spagheddie: I could probably throw a rock from my window and hit the van

This bitch sad: 2 things why the FUCK did my car alarm go off? I wasn't even adult sleep timing with Sonia tonight 

Antivax Mom: I gagged

This bitch sad: number 2 why when EDDIE says rofl it's all valid and we support him but I can't?

Antivax Dad: Eddie has a career ahead of him

Spagheddie: I learned how to put IVs in by practising on a hot dog, be scared.

Birdfucker69: it's just favoritism get used to it Richie

This bitch sad: :^( nobody loves me

William: I do! 

This bitch sad: :^( nobody loves me

  
  


_ 28 October 2019 / 7:30 /  _ we r on the weed

  
  


Birdfucker69: on the dot bitches time to wake up

  
  


_ 28 October 2019 / 9:12 /  _ we r on the weed 

  
  


Antivax Mom: STANLEY WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE US UP I'M LATE

Birdfucker69: I'm going to drown myself Beverly and it is your fault.

Antivax Mom: STANLEY if you were on a missing person list and I knew where you were? I'd not say a word.

Birdfucker69: Beverly :) if you were to be found a mile away from campus :) In a ditch :) let's just say my car might be a mile up :)

Antivax Mom: Stanley you clown if a fire broke out in your dorm I'd not say shit and blame it on Richie.

This bitch sad: wait Beverly why would you blame it on ME?

Spagheddie: 2 ankles, 2 bracelets.

This bitch sad: SHUT UP nerrse boy

Antivax Mom: Richie leave Eddie alone

This bitch sad: BEVERLY LET ME LIVE

Birdfucker69: then perish.

Antivax Mom: fr fr I thought I was free today but Dr Flynn (>:0) asked for us to come in for a Woman's talk.

This bitch sad: why? women SUCK :/

Birdfucker69: Time to forcibly make Richie drink respecting women juice

This bitch sad: I think it's time for Stanley and Beverly to go to class 

Antivax Mom: how do u know our schedule?

This bitch sad: it's on my fridge with my Ivy League acceptance letters

Birdfucker69: That's kinda wacky Richie but I guess I'll see you at lunch?

This bitch sad: That's at 1:40 today stanley happy face emoji

  
  


_ 28 October 2019 / 13:41 /  _ we r on the weed

  
  


This bitch sad: I'm hungry who's currently off and down to have some LUNCH 

Birdfucker69: I'm free but Mike's still working

Spagheddie: I'm actually free rn!! Professor LET me off due to my hard work

This bitch sad: liar you poisoned him

Birdfucker69: He could and he would definitely get away with it 

This bitch sad: can't believe one of our friends would commit a FELONY

Spagheddie: if this was the office you'd be Dwight. 

This bitch sad: I feel threatened

Birdfucker69: Change of plan Richie I wanna stay with Mike because he's the only snack im hungry for

This bitch sad: looks like it's just you and me Eds

Spagheddie: if I end up dead someone tell my teacher to get someone to cover my shifts

This bitch sad: #nurselife #nurseintraining #nursetings

Spagheddie: I'm gonna pull my hair out

This bitch sad: ily2

  
  


_ 28 October 2019 / 13:57 /  _ Spagheddie|This bitch sad

  
  
  


Spagheddie: where are we meeting for lunch

This bitch sad: because it's just you do u wanna come to my van €| :^) ← man with baseball cap 

Spagheddie: I-

Spagheddie: Sure are you still in the university parking lot?

This bitch sad: yeah homeskillet I am 

Spaghetti: homeskillet? I hate that.

This bitch sad: what a shame.

Spagheddie: ill see you in ten then?

This bitch sad: no you'll see me in my van laughing face from MySpace 2012 

Spagheddie: that was terrible I don't wanna go anymore 

This bitch sad: you are asking mistew obama fow hewp and I'm leaving you to perish.

Spagheddie: I don't think I understood a word of that but okay

  
  


_ 27 October 2018 / 14:17  _

  
  


In Richie’s defense the van wasn't that bad. Yes, it was incredibly ugly and considered a class A eyesore. It was a neon yellow 1970s Volkswagen Bus with those shitty floral designs from 70s shows painted sloppily on the sides in purples, oranges, and greens. Or as Richie liked to call it, "Perfect."

So perfect, in fact, Eddie knew Richie’s name for it. 

Who the FUCK names a car “Alien Blaze” and isn't on ecstasy?

But it's what's on the inside that counts, right? 

Eddie was the wrong guy to ask that question, to be honest, because he’d never been there before and felt just as much fear as any normal person would feel being invited into a drug fueled rave on wheels.

The door was slightly ajar. What kind of psychopath leaves a door open on public property? One who doesn't fear God.

"Eddie, holy shit you actually came!"

"Richie, I'm going to be honest. I think I'm going to throw up looking at your van."

Completely unfazed Richie sprung out of the van in what could only be described as the ugliest outfit Eddie had seen in his life. Fucking tie-dye hoodie and jean shorts paired with what looked like… purple crocs? Eddie knew Richie well enough to have been prepared for this garbage, but was willing to look past it for the fact he was on the edge of his metaphorical seat in apprehension for what awaited in the van.

Eddie Kaspbrak had never been so disappointed in his life.

It was surprisingly normal and even more surprisingly, relatively clean. There was a sofa at the back, a shitty wireless tv, a few boxes of clothes, a fridge with some documents stuck on and a snake enclosure at the back labeled 'John Mulaney'. 

"On a scale from one to ten would you live here?" 

"Honestly not as bad as I was expecting maybe a three."

Richie went to slap Eddie on his shoulder as they had done since they were kids but for whatever reason, hesitated. His hand settled there for a second, just a second, before he patted the shoulder awkwardly and pulled away. 

"Wanna watch Friends?" Richie leaped over one of the boxes of clothes to sit on the sofa.

"Not really." Eddie carefully made his way over to the sofa and sat on the opposite end.

"...That's all I have Eds." Richie turned around and put his legs on Eddie's. Personal space? Not in this van.

And that's how Eddie managed to spend two classes in a warmly lit van watching Friends with one of his closest friends. Richie was focused on the show entirely, his eyes tracking the characters as they moved. He hadn't changed his glasses frames since they were kids, Eddie noticed, as he watched the sun softly lighting up Richie’s freckles. When they were younger Eddie had compared them to constellations but Richie had just snorted and smacked him away.

Richie wasn't sure if Eddie was watching the show so turned to check, catching his eyes as he did. They just kinda sat there for a while, staring at each other, both were smiling slightly. Eddie leaned forward slightly, as did Richie.

They were an inch away from each other before Eddie's phone rang. He jerked back as Richie did the same, coughing awkwardly.

"Oh it's uh Mickey I gotta go back to class." Eddie stood up and shoved Richie legs off him.

"Yeah Eds run along to Mickey." Richie muttered.

Choosing to ignore that (like most things Richie said) Eddie took his leave and said goodbye to Richie and the friends cast.

_ 28 October 2019 / 19:23 / Spagheddie|Birdfucker69  _

Spagheddie: Stan I think I might like Richie a little.

Birdfucker69: You didn't notice?

  
  


_ 28 October 2019 / 19:23 /  _ This bitch sad|Antivax Mom

  
  


This bitch sad: my dumbass almost OUTED myself on main

Antivax Mom: okay idiot what did you do?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY for switching up the dates from November to October, Sami has one braincell and wants to write about halloween


End file.
